Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
