we made out on top of his cat.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
