Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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