He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
