Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
