how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
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