After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
There's always time for handjobs
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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