guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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