it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
