I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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