Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
