I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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