I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize
