i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Your mouth is God's brothel.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
