My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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