I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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