Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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