Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
