Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
