don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
ok first of all what the fuck
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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