The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
