She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
It's never too late to be topless.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
