I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
