so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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