If you die in college, do you die in real life?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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