you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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