You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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