hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
