Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
