I intend to get homeless drunk
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
