do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
