i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He felt like a one man threesome
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
