Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Randomize
