Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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