I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
