I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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