I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
