"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
