just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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