i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
