you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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