I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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