omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Randomize
