I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You are a genius and a whore.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
