Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
