I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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