I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
