i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
