Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
