i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
