Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
