Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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