remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
