seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
