But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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